Sixty minutes to
Christmas Number One.
It's the last day before the Christmas chart deadline and there's one studio session left on the books. Clive Tinsley, Head of A&R, has just given it to your band. Write the track, win over Crapital FM's listeners and climb from #40 to #1 before the studio goes live. The band next door wants it too.
To whoever's got the keys to the studio today,
The Christmas chart closes tonight. Terry Tinsel swears his lot have a hit and the Filchers have already booked the studio next door. We have one session left, sixty minutes, and I'm giving it to you.
Write the track. Find the lyrics the listeners actually want. Mix it, press it, get it on the air before Crapital FM's countdown hits zero. Number Two is not a result. Ask the Filchers.
Don't touch the jukebox. Don't touch the coat. Don't let Terry near the bar.
Crapital FM is counting down.
So is the studio.
You start at #40. Every puzzle you crack is a hit with the public: a verse, a hook, a beat, a bell. The chart on the studio wall climbs as you go, and the clock on the recording window doesn't stop. Get to #1 and press the record before the deadline, and it's your song on the radio on Christmas morning.
"Your number two for Christmas hits." Crapital FM, every year since 1985.
Christmas chart · liveStudio X. Studio N.
Or both, head to head.
Deck the Charts runs in two identical studios behind the same lobby. Book one for your band and race the house rivals. Book both, split into two bands, and race each other for the Number One.
Loading the studios…
Sign the contract.
Name the band. Pick your anthem.
Once you've booked, Xscape Records sends your band the paperwork. Name yourselves, put the line-up down, choose the song you'll play when you win and the one that gets you in the mood. Every bandmate gets a text with the details, and there's something waiting for each of you at the studio door.
The paperwork takes two minutes on a phone. The arguments over the band name take longer. Start them now:
Book your session
Recording contract
Xscape Records · one session · one Christmas single · no refunds on talent- 1The band's name
- 2The line-up (everyone playing)
- 3Victory anthem, for when you win
- 4Warm-up playlist, for the lobby
- 5The diva (there's always one)
- 6A message for the rivals next door
Number two since 1985. Fifty-two weeks running. They'd nick your lyrics if you left them on the desk.
The Filchers are Crapital FM's house band and they are always in the studio next door. Book one studio and you're up against them. Book Head to Head and the rivals are your mates, your family, or the other half of the office, and there's a message from them read out on air before you start.
Pick a studioEverything in there
was made for it.
Xscape Records has its own paperwork, its own tonics and its own jukebox, and the lobby wall has the chart on it. A few things from the workshop, without giving the puzzles away.
The work do that ends
with a Number One.
Up to eleven in Head to Head, more across our other rooms at the same time, and our own bar and pizza kitchen for afterwards. Pre-order from your booking page and it's on the table as you step out of the studio.
Up to 11 head to head
Two bands, two studios, the same start. The winners get their song on the lobby screen and the losers buy the first round.
Bigger groups
Run Deck the Charts next to Oz, Runaway Train and Battleships for up to 60 people an hour. We'll plan the rotation and the food with you.
Gift a session
A gift card works on any game at either venue, and Deck the Charts is on from 1 December to the end of February, so there's time after Christmas too.
The small print,
without the small print.
How hard is it?
Built to be fun first. It's a race against the clock and the band next door rather than a brain-breaker, and your host nudges you along if you stall. Most bands get the record pressed.
Do we actually sing?
At the end, yes, and the louder the better: the studio scores you on volume and on how committed you are to the costumes. Nobody outside the studio hears a thing.
How many of us can play?
Studio X takes up to six, Studio N up to five, and Head to Head books both for up to eleven. Bigger than that and we run other rooms alongside.
Is it OK for kids?
Families with teens love it. Under-16s need an adult in the room, and the puzzles are built for adults, so a group that's mostly under 12 will want a hand from the grown-ups.
When is it on?
From 1 December to the end of February, every day we're open. Sessions are on sale now; the weekends before Christmas go first.
What's head to head, exactly?
Both studios, one booking. You split into two bands, both start on the same countdown, and the first to Number One wins. The studios are identical, so it's all about the band.
The studio's booked.
Is it yours?
Sixty minutes, your band, one Christmas Number One. Book Studio X or Studio N, or both and race the studio next door.
Xscape Records is a fictional record label. The Filchers are fictional too, which is the only reason they're not suing.